Letters to Atem
by darkwinterfrost
Summary: A heart wrenching tale about learning to live without the one you love…
1. September 10, 2005 - 1 Year Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **So this is just a fluff piece I came up with while watching Fairy Tail. And it has nothing to do with it. Weird. Anyway, this is for the romantic/dramatic angsts so people who hate romance/drama of any kind and who don't love Atem/Tea….don't read. Enjoy.** **Let me know what you guys think.**

 **Note: This starts a year from the final episode date, September 29, 2004**

 **September 10, 2005**

 _Dear Atem_

It's been a year since you've been gone. Without you our little group is so much quieter.

I have to say I miss the old days, because you were here as well. We miss you so much. _I_ miss you so much.

I can't even begin to explain to you how I feel. I wish I could have. I wish I had been stronger. You never held that against me though, the fact that I wasn't as sure of myself as the others were. You knew, I suppose. You knew my feelings, the feelings I wish I had told you about. It might have made that moment last a little longer, even though I would pay for it later with my dreams, dreams of a future I have no right to dream about.

I once told you that I want to become a dancer. I know that isn't a normal profession, and one that's always going to be rocky, but you said something to me that made me determined to follow the path I chose. If you don't remember what it is I'll tell you. You told me to always follow my heart. And that's what I'm doing.

I've been accepted to a prestigious dance academy in New York. I start in a few weeks. I don't know why but I'm procrastinating in my packing. I know things are changing, have changed since the day we met you, so I don't know why I'm so averse to this one. I suppose it's because I'm leaving everything behind and starting anew. To be honest, we all need a fresh start.

The other guys are also following in my footsteps. Most kids our age don't experience even half the things we went through in their entire lifetime. Those kids are always hanging around Yugi asking for advice on their decks or how he managed to beat Kaiba. You were there with him but that's not something he can share with others. For a brief moment you were a part of our time but you're also our secret.

As for Kaiba, he mostly keeps to himself these days. I suppose that's only natural seeing as how normally our paths wouldn't cross unless it's during the course of a tournament.

We all had to grow up since you left, Atem. It hasn't been easy. We're each going through our grief separately and even though our bond is as strong as ever we're not emotionally strong enough to deal with each other's pain. The strength to overcome this pain will come in time, Atem. That I believe.

 _Yours Truly_

 _Tea_


	2. July 27, 2006 - 2 Years Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **July 27, 2006**

 _Dear Atem_

I can't describe how it feels with you gone. The others are happy with their current lives. Yugi is a college student studying archaeology. Who would have guessed that was the path he would take? When I asked him about it he said that once he graduated he would look into being stationed in Egypt for a while. He said it made him feel closer to you.

In my grief I had forgotten that he mourns your loss almost as much as I do, if not more. You shared with him a bond not even I can fully understand. He lost a brother that day. A friend, a confidant. And yet he still has the ability to smile every day. I don't know how he does it.

Joey and Tristan are following a career path in business. I'd like to think they've both grown up but I know there's more at work there. I think they're both seeing someone. I'm assuming their decision to go to business school wasn't theirs at all, but of the people who they love and who love them back. With Joey, it isn't hard to guess that that person is Mai. I don't know why he's keeping it a secret though. I assume Tristan is dating Serenity. I understand why he has to keep it a secret. If Joey were to find out he'd go ballistic.

They're all stepping forward. I am too. But when no one is watching, in the darkest part of the night, I still give in to the tears that are haunting me. I let go of all the pain I still feel at losing you.

You probably won't understand why I'm still giving in to my feelings even after all this time. The truth is that I feel closer to you when I write these letters. It's silly but they're my link to you. My _only_ link.

In these letters I find my courage, not to deal with the way my life has turned out, but to tell you how I feel. Even now I'm a little reluctant to divulge the depths of my feelings for you. It's because they're feelings for a man who never existed in my time.

Put that way I suppose it does make these letters a bit redundant. I mean, who are they for? In my heart you receive all these letters from me even though I know it's impossible.

But the truth is that I'm afraid, Atem. I'm afraid to let go. When I ask myself why, I don't have an answer. All I feel is fear. Fear that I'll forget what you look like. And I don't want that. Not yet. Please, let me bask in this madness a bit longer.

 _Yours Truly_

 _Tea_


	3. June 6, 2007 - 3 Years Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **June 6, 2007**

 _Dear Atem_

Kaiba came to see me the other day. You can imagine my surprise. He said he was in New York on some business and happened to watch the ballet I was in. He appeared backstage after the ballet with a bunch of flowers. As if his presence there alone wasn't enough to render me speechless he had to show up with flowers. All of my friends were fawning over how handsome he is but after everything he's done, after everything he's put us through, I don't see it.

He invited me out for coffee and I was curious as to what he had to say, and when he had said what he came to say to me I was once again rendered speechless. He apologized. Kaiba. Apologized. Two words you'd never put in the same sentence. I think he gets it though. We're not the only ones who find things different. He feels it too, even though he doesn't completely understand it. We finally put things to rest that day.

We ended up talking about you, Atem. Kaiba was curious to know all that had happened and what it all meant. At least he was making the effort to try and understand. I spilled everything I knew about you and just like that all the memories returned, memories I'd thought long buried. Not deep enough, apparently.

It turned out to be a pretty good night. It felt good to connect with someone from the past, no matter that it was Kaiba. He was a part of everything that happened too, despite all his claims against being involved.

Among other things, Joey found out about Tristan and Serenity. He was spitting mad, or so I heard. Apparently he chased Tristan through the streets of Domino for an hour! I wish I could have been there to see it.

Yugi is being so secretive about something. I don't know what he's hiding but I'm content to let him be. When he's ready to tell me, he will. I don't think it's anything harmful though. He still seems cheery over our Skype calls, although there is a hint of sadness in his eyes. I don't know why but I get the feeling he thinks of you every time he looks at me. But in a group of friends like ours, we all have to deal with that acute pain.

 _Yours Truly_

 _Tea_


	4. May 10, 2008 - 4 Years Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **May 10, 2008**

 _Dear Atem_

I'm in a great place right now. I'm slowly managing to pull myself out of the hole I had fallen into when you left. And I won't lie. It feels good. My graduation was a few weeks ago. Yugi, Joey and Tristan came for the ballet I was in to commemorate it. They didn't even tell me they were coming! It was a lovely surprise though. Joey and Tristan look more or less the same. Joey let his hair grow out a little. It's slightly longer than it used to be and gives him a punk rocker look. I think Mai forced him to grow it.

As for Yugi…I thought I was looking at you, Atem. When I first caught sight of him from on stage I faltered and almost fell. The resemblance is uncanny and it called forth all sorts of feelings and memories buried just beneath the surface. I cried that night, my pain still a fresh wound in my mind and my heart. It was like losing you all over again.

They stayed for two weeks before flying back to Domino City. It was so great to have the gang back together again. It was like nothing had changed. It was like you had never left. We were reunited after so many years apart. And even through our happiness we never forgot you. We sat and talked about you, wondering what you are doing and whether you are watching over us. We'd all like to think you're our guardian angel, guiding us through our life choices.

But even that is a small comfort. I don't feel you anymore. Since the day you left you took all semblance of yourself with you. So I know that, despite whatever story we come up with about you, it will never be true. You are in a better place. A place you deserve to be in after being alone for so long. As much as I hate it, I also love the fact that you won't be alone again, Atem. Ever.

 _Yours Truly_

 _Tea_


	5. April 16, 2009 - 5 Years Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **April 16, 2009**

 _Dear Atem_

Rebecca and Yugi are dating! Can you believe it? I was really surprised when I first heard the news, although I don't know why. She always had feelings for him and no one ever knew what lurked inside Yugi's heart for her. I'm happy for them. I've seen how they are together and it makes my heart bloom to see such happiness. The sadness in Yugi's eyes has disappeared. I suppose I should thank Rebecca for that. None of us were able to dispel it. She really is something, isn't she? It's sweet how much he loves her, and how much he tries to be there for her, especially considering how volatile his job is. He's also looking really worn down. When I asked him why he says his team was currently investigating the recently discovered tomb of a Pharaoh. He wouldn't tell me the name of the Pharaoh but I have a feeling he's searching for your tomb, Atem. I mean, when you locked your mind away in the Millennium Puzzle, your body must have been left behind to be mummified and buried. Maybe one day he will tell me the truth.

I'm actually on tour at the moment. The ballet I was in rose to international stardom a few weeks ago. We were invited to tour the world, showing off the ballet in every town on our tour destination list. The girls are whispering about a handsome benefactor who is sponsoring the entire tour and without a doubt I know it is Kaiba. He really has come a long way from the day we first met him.

Right now the tour is in Sicily, Italy. It's so beautiful here, Atem. I think you'd love it. The sun is setting and I'm outside on the patio. I can feel the warmth of the rays caressing my skin. It's a magnificent feeling. The cottage I'm sharing with a few other girls overlooks the ocean. It's breath-taking. I wish you here to witness this with me.

The last stop in the tour is Domino so I'm going to take off a few weeks and spend it with the guys before setting off back home. That's what New York is to me now. Domino will always be first but I haven't been back there in ages. It doesn't seem all that familiar to me anymore and I'm baffled at how quickly that happened. Of course, the people in Domino I will always love. And even the one who isn't there anymore.

I'm avoiding talking about my feelings because I will break down if I do. Forgive me. You deserve better. Your memory deserves better. As for me, I'm looking forward to being in Domino in spring and watching the cherry blossoms bloom.

 _Yours Truly_

 _Tea_


	6. November 18, 2011 - 7 Years Later

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

 **November 18, 2011**

 _Dear Atem_

This is so hard for me. I don't know where to begin. I find it so difficult to let go of you, even after all these years. I guess that's the kind of impact you made on me when you became my friend. And even though I wanted something more…

I don't want to delay the inevitable, Atem. I have to let you go. I have to let you go emotionally. You will always have a piece of my heart, and somehow I think you knew that, but it's time I stopped pretending everything is going to be okay because it isn't. I know it's going to get better than this, but right now, concerning you, nothing is ever going to be better. Because you're gone. You're gone forever, and I never got the chance to tell you how I felt. I still don't think it would have changed your final decision. I think you would have still left, knowing that I…

It's too late, Atem. I can't say the words I longed to all those years ago. I can't even write them down. Ironically it's a betrayal to my heart. And to the other who currently resides there.

I'm getting married today, Atem. In a few hours actually. It's the crack of dawn and I'm sitting and writing this letter that I know will never reach you. I'm even crying and I can't see the lines of the page anymore. And yet I still write. I have to finish it. I have to put an end to it. I have to close the door on my past, even though that past includes you. If I don't do that I don't think I will ever be able to move on.

Please don't think ill of me for doing this. I know you would have wanted the same, if not sooner. I just couldn't. I was too emotionally messed up after you left. I…felt too much to see past my own misery. I didn't realise who I was hurting in the process. But now that I'm finally beginning to see clear again, I know where I'm headed, I know the future I'm headed toward. I would have liked it to be different but it's a future without you. I had to cope. I had to survive. And in the midst of it all I met someone who makes me feel the way you once did.

At first it hurt so much. His smile is like yours once was. I thought it was because I wanted him to be you so badly I was conjuring things up in my head. But even Yugi and the others mentioned how similar he actually was to you. Believe it or not, I didn't want a replacement. I wanted the real thing. I avoided him like the plague until he came right out and asked me why I was acting so indifferent when he clearly was falling for me. I broke, spilling every secret I ever held in my heart about you, secrets that not even our dearest friends knew about, or could even fathom the depths of.

At the end of it I thought he would leave but he did the most amazing thing. He burst out laughing and bumped his forehead against mine, calling me a silly fool for ever comparing the two of you. He promised he wouldn't ever up and leave me if we started seeing each other. I know that isn't fair to you, that you _had_ to leave because you were so lonely and longed for something that I couldn't give you. Your freedom. For millennia you were trapped in a cage, not knowing who you were or what you were doing there. It hurt me to see you so confused and alone. But you never gave up, did you. You just kept getting back up every time something knocked you down, whether it was Kaiba, or Marik, or Bakura. I admired that strength in you, Atem. It gave me the courage to start my life anew.

At least, that's what I'm going to do. So this is my last letter to you, Atem. With it I hope to leave behind all the hurt from the past. All these letters, all these years, all these wasted tears…they are all proof that you existed, that you were _alive_. It's something that will live on, even after we all have perished. You gave all of us the courage to face the future without you. And look at us now. Joey and Mai have just gotten back from their honeymoon. Yugi told me last week he was planning to propose to Rebecca on the anniversary of their first date. Tristan and Serenity have been going solid for years. And I'm about to get married. We're all moving forward with the world, we're all moulding into what we wanted to become, but that doesn't mean we will ever forget you and what you've done for us. You've touched our lives in a way that I can't even begin to thank you for, but I will try.

Thank you, Atem. Thank you for everything. Thank you for believing in us more than we believed in ourselves. Thank you for giving us the strength to stand by your side. And lastly, thank you for giving us the right to call you our friend.

I will never forget you.

 _Yours Truly…_

 **A Month Later**

"Are you sure you want to do this, Tea?" Yugi asked, coming to stand beside the brunette at the railing at the end of the pier in Domino City harbour overlooking the ocean.

Tea smiled, one that after all these years finally reached her eyes, _really_ reached her eyes. He supposed things were going well in her marriage. He hadn't seen her this happy since…Atem. It broke his heart after to see her going through the pain of losing him alone, but back then they were all caught up in their own grief, too unaware of the others' pain until it was too late.

Even at her wedding he had finally seen her let go. She looked so happy, and so beautiful, as she walked down the aisle in her white wedding gown. It was nice to see that the happiness wasn't feigned for the sake of the day. He wanted her to be happy, as happy as he was with Rebecca, and he was at peace having at last gotten a glimpse of that happiness to certify that it was real enough for him and that it would last for a long time.

"Yes, Yugi," Tea said softly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm sure about this. When I penned that last letter I already knew what I was going to do with them. Keeping these letters will always keep a part of me chained to him, and I don't want that. It won't be fair to me or to my husband."

She reached down and lifted up the knapsack at her feet. She unlatched the clasp and peered inside. Every letter she had ever written to Atem was in the bag. It was almost overflowing with stories to a person who would never get the chance to read them. It made her sad for a moment that he would never know how well their lives had turned out, but somewhere deep inside her, she knew he knew everything that had happened and she smiled. She was doing the right thing.

The wind picked up, unravelling wisps of Tea's hair from her ponytail. It ruffled Yugi's jacket. But they stood as one at the railing. She held the bag over the railing and with one quick move, flipped it upside down. The letters streamed out, fluttering in the wind as it carried them across the ocean.


End file.
